What is Possible

I, Brett, know that you are experiencing pain and frustration in your marriage. And I know what you want to hear. My question for you is if that message is soothing or solving? I tell you about the research-backed, proven solution that actually solves your problem, even if it's tough to hear. Click the link below if you're ready for action!

LINK TO REGISTRATION: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/9517210131405/WN_L787TdLIQp2NCmyTbigE6g#/registration

Transcript

Brett: 0:00

Episode number five what is possible? Welcome to the Marriage Essentials podcast, where we dive deep into the art and science of building a strong, loving and lasting marriage. I'm Brett, your host, and each week I'll bring you expert advice, heartfelt stories and practical tips to help you nurture and grow your relationship. Whether you're newlyweds or celebrating decades together, there's something here for you. So join me for a cup of coffee and let's discover the essentials of a happy marriage together. Okie dokie, welcome back to the Marriage Essentials podcast.

Brett: 0:51

Things are starting to roll here at Marriage Essentials and I am loving it. It feels like it's been a lot of work to get this whole operation off the ground, so to speak, but now I feel like there is some direction and there is some momentum, and I'm ready to roll with it. The other day, I was listening to a podcast and the gal that was hosting the podcast, daisy Bowman, talked about something that she had heard in either another podcast or from one of her mentors or something, and it was this that all the best ideas are in the graveyard, and this idea that so many people have had so many great ideas but they haven't acted on them or they haven't been able to bring them into the physical form, and she talked about how this is such a feat to take an idea and to bring it into physical form. I've experienced that. You know, marriage essentials is, at this point, just that. It's an idea. It's an idea to change the level of access to information, to lower the threshold to information for marriages, to support marriages. It's an idea to create a place that serves the marriage and increases clarity in relationships. It's a place that couples can go to, to improve communication, that moves couples through challenges and increases the levels of connection for that couple. In doing so, it reduces separation and divorce within marriage and it provides a more stable and secure home for kids. All of this allows for all of us to live just a little bit closer together, to be just a little bit more connected. That is the vision that I have.

Brett: 2:40

Is it possible to bring something into the physical form that achieves any measure of this? Well, that remains to be seen. Like a farmer planting seeds, that's all I can do right now. I can put in the work, I can make a plan, but the plan needs to be blessed. You know, the ground needs to be just right, the weather needs to be just right. So many factors go into this that allow for the crop to be bountiful or the crop to kind of die off and not even take root. That is how life is. We can put in our efforts, we can do the work. That's the part that's within our control, but the crop is given to us. It's a blessing. Without the work, without the effort, can we expect a return in harvest?

Brett: 3:27

Now to you and your marriage. I know that you are experiencing pain so many of you are experiencing pain in your relationship. You're experiencing frustration and you are putting in effort. You're trying so hard. I even know personally that a more soothing message to receive in those moments is that there's something that points at your spouse and says they need to get their butts in gear and they need to love you. That's the soothing message that I was attracted to early in my marriage. That message, while soothing, is not necessarily solving If you're putting in effort and it's not necessarily working. It may be that you're putting effort into the wrong spots, into the wrong places, and I want to help you see that there is a way that is proven and that is so important. To know with confidence that what we're doing is the best thing possible is proven, and then we know that our efforts are at least going in a direction that could be effective. And there are ways that we show up in our relationship that are proven to be ineffective, to even cause more hurt and more confusion within the relationship, and we want to know that our efforts aren't going in the wrong direction. I am here to at least bring that information to you. It's not always easy information to digest and listen to and sometimes our ears are a little bit itchy for that soothing message. But you might not hear so much of that here because I just don't think it solves anything. It helps you feel good in the moment, but it doesn't change anything in the future.

Brett: 5:07

I was in a place like this for years. I was wishing that my wife could change just a little bit, could understand me just a little bit more, a little bit better, that my wife could show up in a way that was just a little bit more reassuring. It felt good to hear anything that validated my feelings that all that needed to happen was Kelsey just needed to change a little bit and all would be well. But when that was where I was, we stayed stuck. The truth is, neither Kelsey or I really knew how to change that dynamic, really knew how to create a movement within our relationship, really knew how to navigate through that. We knew a better relationship was possible because we could see glimpses of it, but we were stuck where we were.

Brett: 5:52

I am in the business of solving more than I'm in the business of soothing. That is because in my life it was finally kind of dropped on me. I was in a classroom where the solution was pounded into me and, thick and stubborn as I am, it had to be kind of taught to me in a sneaky way. You see, I wasn't in that classroom to help myself and my relationship. I was in that classroom to help other relationships, you know the ones with problems. It almost wasn't even in my mind that my relationship had problems. We just were like stuck. I hope it doesn't go the wrong way here. But looking back on it my mind was like no, kelsey has the problems. If she would just change a few things then everything would be perfect. Where can I send her so that she learns what she needs to do, so I can feel the love and the care that I'm looking for within my relationship? And that way my mind wasn't even really looking at my relationship.

Brett: 6:47

I was a marriage and family therapist. I am a marriage and family therapist and I was a marriage and family therapist. I am a marriage and family therapist and I was in that classroom looking to learn how to support the couples that I was working with, and in that classroom I had an epiphany, a moment that changed my life, and I recognized something pretty big. In that classroom I learned that the best way to know what was possible within my relationship was really to apply three simple strategies to my marriage. My relationship with my wife, kelsey, was so important to me. In that classroom it was taught that you know to bring clarity and to know what's possible within your relationship and to make sure that it's strong and healthy. Just apply these three principles, these three strategies, and you will create an environment that allows for a more secure bond.

Brett: 7:34

As I was learning how to do that with other couples, it was like, wow, what would happen if I did this within my marriage, with that relationship that I had with Kelsey? It took some time, to be honest, to really learn how to implement this and I had to practice. I was kind of like a little boy riding a bike. It was awkward and there were some bumps and bruises along the way as I learned how to effectively utilize these three strategies, but utilize them. I did, practice, I did, and shortly after I utilized them, things really began to make significant change, or we experienced significant change within our marriage and it has been amazing.

Brett: 8:13

Shortly after I began to utilize these strategies we began to utilize these strategies. Kelsey saw what I was learning and was also interested in the same thing that I was a better relationship, a closer relationship, really a more secure relationship. As she saw how I was showing up, it invited her to show up in a different way. She was able to utilize the same principles and I just can't share how much of an impact it has had on us. But I want to do the best that I can to share these three proven strategies with you.

Brett: 8:50

There's research to these strategies, especially when they're implemented in a therapeutic setting. That's where, like the research around this, has been done. But I've seen how these tools, these strategies, can be used and taught outside of therapy, right In more of like a classroom type setting. That's where I learned them and I applied them to my relationship and I had effective change happen, so it doesn't need to be in a therapy room, and I want to share with you what these strategies are, just so you may be able to implement them into your relationship. But the thing about these strategies, like the way I learned them, was on a whiteboard in a classroom.

Brett: 9:26

There's a visual element to these strategies and how they work, and for that reason, I want to host a Zoom call where I can walk through these three strategies and teach them to you and you can learn them in that visual way that I was able to learn them and you can make sense of it, and it will be something that you can then take home and utilize within your relationship. This call is going to be quick, it's going to be hard-hitting and you will walk away with a strategy that you can use right after the call to change the dynamic in your relationship. You're going to be able to use these three strategies and practice them. What is possible in your marriage if you utilize these three strategies? I don't know, but here's the deal you don't either. Not until you use them. So join me on that call and let's see what's possible for your marriage To join the call. Follow the link in the description or in the bio of my Instagram account, marriage Essentials.

Brett: 10:27

I can't wait to see every one of you here on this podcast, inside that call. I can't wait to teach every one of you these three proven strategies and principles that you can apply to your marriage and your relationship right after the call. I'm excited for it. If you can't tell, I'm excited to share with you the things that have been so helpful for me and for so many other couples that I have taught over the last five years. Make sure you sign up for the call. Make sure you click on the link in the description or go to my Instagram account and sign up through the link in my bio. I'll see you all on the call.

Brett: 11:01

It's on Monday, july 29th, at 8 30 AMm. We will be hosting that call. I will be teaching you the three proven strategies that you can utilize to change your marriage. You will be able to take those strategies and apply them right after the call. I'm going to just boil it down and give you all the things you need to walk away from that call and do something in your marriage. I can't wait to show you and do something in your marriage. I can't wait to show you. You have been listening to the Marriage Essentials podcast. I hope that you found some valuable insights and inspiration to apply to your relationship. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at marriage underscore essentials for more content like this. Until next time, keep nurturing your love and remember that a happy marriage really is a journey, it's not a destination. Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.