The Marriage Essentials Podcast

Changing the Feeling in Your Marriage

• Brett • Season 1 • Episode 7

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Join Brett on this week’s episode of the Marriage Essentials podcast as he explores how emotions influence relationships. This episode highlights Brett's experiences from a recent webinar on transformative marriage strategies and the launch of his first course, "The Spouses Guide to a Secure Marriage." Brett shares insights from managing a bustling household with seven kids and maintaining connection in a  marriage amid daily challenges.

Listen as Brett recounts a moment during a trip that changed their moods instantly, illustrating the impact of sudden emotional shifts. Learn practical steps for managing negative feelings, transforming emotional responses through perspective, and the importance of mental health in sustaining a healthy marriage.

Tune in for actionable advice and inspiring stories to help enhance your relationship. Check the podcast description below for a link to a workbook designed to improve your marriage in 30 days.

Workbook
https://marriageessentials.myflodesk.com/sykdjpzdgk

Course
https://pivotalapproach.thrivecart.com/the-spouses-guide-to-a-secure-marriage/?ref=instabio
Discount Code: SECURE50

Speaker 1:

Episode number seven changing the feeling in your marriage. Welcome to the Marriage Essentials podcast, where we dive deep into the art and science of building a strong, loving and lasting marriage. I'm Brett, your host, and each week I'll bring you expert advice, heartfelt stories and practical tips to help you nurture and grow your relationship. Whether you're newlyweds or celebrating decades together, there's something here for you. So join me for a cup of coffee and let's discover the essentials of a happy marriage together. Hey, everybody, hope you're all having a fantastic day. It's been a busy but a fun week here at Marriage Essentials. Last Monday I hosted a webinar on the three proven strategies that I use to improve my marriage, and after that webinar we launched our first course called the Spouse's Guide to Secure Marriage. You can get access to that course through the end of this week. It's $500 if you use the code SECURE50, and you can get access to that checkout on the link in my bio or in the description here under this podcast.

Speaker 1:

Here at Marriage Essentials, our mission is to be a go-to resource for marriages. I have a vision here of offering education, direction, support and products that promote healthy relationships and marriages, and support and products that promote healthy relationships and marriages. It's such a big vision that excites me. But I've had to find, I've had to realize that I have to take it one day at a time, that everything that I see possible here within Marriage Essentials isn't going to take place overnight and I have to start kind of with some of the foundational things. I have to and I have to start kind of with some of the foundational things I have to really prove my product here a little bit to get it to where I hope one day it can be. And it's hard work, it definitely is. But the vision of the impact that this idea could have on really society's fundamental or the fabric of society, the foundational relationships within society which are marriages, makes it all worthwhile. I look at the society around us and I see how integral marriages are to the future success of society and I think that there's nothing more important than figuring out how to help and serve people who want their marriages to be successful but just don't have anywhere to turn to. So that's some of the passion behind Marriage Essentials and I'm really excited for all the support that we've received up until now and we're definitely going to be working to continue to produce and to compile content and tools and skills and learning opportunities that serve marriages.

Speaker 1:

Recently, kelsey and I have had many discussions about our life, our marriage and the realities really of raising seven kids and remaining unified and connected. It feels like lately it's been a particularly busy time in our lives, in our family and in our marriage and, believe me, it feels real, it feels just about as real as it gets. So, balancing everything our kids, our house, two businesses, two vehicles, I don't know, three acres of land, plus all our friends and our family, figuring out how to take care of all those things really requires us to keep those things in mind, keep those balls in the air, but also to prioritize our marriage. And lately I've been reflecting on feelings and really the feelings within my life and my marriage and just how powerful those feelings are. And just to give you some context around how powerful feelings are, kelsey and I, we can be having a great day and then, all of a sudden, something happens that shifts the mood and, for example, it reminds me of a time, uh, when I was down in Florida. We were down in Florida with some friends actually, and we'd spent the day on the beach having a good old time and, um, we, I think we had grilled supper and we're running to the grocery store to get some groceries for the rest of the week. And uh, I remember just driving in that car and we were all laughing and joking around and the mood was really light. And I remember just driving in that car and we were all laughing and joking around and the mood was really light and buoyant. And we came upon an accident and I won't I'll try to spare you guys the details, but just so you can kind of understand what happened there. In that accident, as we drove past it, we witnessed someone receiving CPR and I remember how, just like you know, it was like a balloon popped All of a sudden, like all that, like buoyant, fun, light, energy just like evaporated from that car and just like that our moods shifted from happy to somber.

Speaker 1:

And in a marriage it's similar. You might be content one moment. Then a small incident can set off feelings of like annoyance or hurt, and those feelings can linger. So what do you do if you're generally feeling negative about your marriage or you're feeling unloved or even hurt? Well, first you have to ask yourself if you're you want to feel differently. Now there's no right answer to this. It's deeply personal. You might want to feel a certain way If you go back to that example of that car ride. I don't know that, I wanted to feel happy after that. It was like a sobering moment.

Speaker 1:

But there are times where we're holding on to negative emotions because our brain thinks that they're protecting us, but often they lead to behaviors that confuse and exacerbate the issues within our marriage and between you and your partner. So changing your emotions can break the negative patterns and the conflict cycles within your relationship, and I think that is a motivating reason why we might not want to hold on to the negative emotions or even the feelings of hurt within our marriage. And the way to do this, I think, has. Well, I'm going to bring kind of three ways that we can change our feelings, and one of them is well, I guess I'm going to go with four, because one of them is changing our perspective or getting a new perspective. For instance, there have been times in my life where, like I thought someone did something on purpose to me and then somehow it was revealed to me that it was an accident. I could see it and I could understand that was an accident and my feelings shifted dramatically.

Speaker 1:

I also have an example here at the Science Museum of Minnesota. They have this exhibit where you walk into the exhibit and there's a box sitting on a stage and then they move the box and as the box moves you can see that it's not a box at all, it's actually a 2D figure, that they use lights to make it look like a 3D box. And that's what perspective does, is it changes what we think? And when we change what we think, we change how we feel. And it's so important that we learn how to look at situations from many different angles so that we can have the opportunity at different perspectives. Sometimes I find, too, that perspective comes to us almost serendipitously. I find that sometimes new perspective is almost like planted into us and I guess for myself I've just found this to happen. Sometimes I might be praying about something or I might be worried about something or afraid of something or whatever it might be within my marriage, and almost like divine intervention, and I really believe sometimes it is a new way of thinking, a new way of feeling about something just kind of drops in and we're given this new perspective and sometimes that's all we need to change our feelings within our relationship, within our marriage, so that we can change how we show up within our marriage. And when we can change how we show up, we gain the ability to become an ingredient that can really fundamentally change the circumstances within our marriage.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that you can do is you can actively try to create feelings. Now, a lot of people think that this is a little bit hokey, and I'm more of a skeptic than probably a lot of other people. But just try this for a minute. Close your eyes and just feel love. Try to visualize it. Visualize your relationship, and not your spouse, necessarily, but your relationship almost as if it were like a third entity, like your relationship was another person, or maybe like it would be helpful to think of your relationship as like a little child that you cared deeply about, and have love for your relationship. Feel love for your relationship, see it even struggling, and feel love for it. Can you do that? Can you feel that? It's fascinating how a little exercise like that can give you the ability to generate the feeling of love, and it's done just by focusing your thoughts.

Speaker 1:

Another really powerful tool that I think isn't used nearly enough it's this working on your own mental health, addressing your own insecurities, your own wounds, your own self-doubts, and you can do this on your own. There's, you know, this whole industry of self-help, but finding a therapist or a mental health professional or relationship professional can be so important here to help you improve your mental health, especially if you struggle to make improvements on your own. And when you can do these things, when you can change your perspective, you can create these new feelings and you can improve your mental health. I guess that's only three. I was thinking that there's a fourth, but it slipped from me now and we're going to run with these three because I think these are three things that you can really utilize to change the feeling within your relationship. And when you can change your feelings, you can change your input.

Speaker 1:

And one of the core things that I teach in here is that the most effective way to change your relationship when it's stuck is to change your input. But to be able to do that, you have to change your emotions, you have to change the feeling that you're holding, because that's going to change and give you the ability to show up differently within the marriage and remember that you can change how you feel independently of any external changes within your marriage. Mastering this can make you a catalyst. It can allow for you as a person to be a catalyst for positive change within your relationship. So change the feeling that you have about your relationship, especially if it's negative or you feel hurt or you feel uncared for and loved. Change that emotion for you, but also change it for your spouse. Change your emotion for that little marriage that you have, that relationship that you have that like third entity. Do it for that. And if you have kids in your marriage, change your emotions for those kiddos.

Speaker 1:

And I'd love to hear how you've used this strategy to change your marriage, your marriage's trajectory. I love getting feedback from my clients and hearing from people who listen to this podcast and how they've used some of these skills and tools. I think this is one of the most powerful skills you can implement and something that I want you to save and come back to time and time again to get motivation, inspiration and to get that reminder to really do your part, to change your emotion, your feeling about your marriage, so that you can change your input, so that you can change your marriage's trajectory. And then don't forget to come back and tell me all about it, because I love, I love, I love hearing about those things. So you also can check out my Instagram bio. Uh, inside that Instagram bio or I'll put the links to these things in the podcast description Uh, there'll be a link to a workbook that you can use to improve your relationship in 30 days.

Speaker 1:

I'll also have, uh, that link to, um, that course, the spouse's guide to a secure marriage down there. And, uh, go and grab that workbook. For sure, go grab that workbook, it's free. It will walk you through some of these concepts that we've talked about today. It will allow you to apply some of these things to your relationship and it will give you something to utilize and implement on your relationship for 30 days so that you can change your marriage's trajectory, you can change your feeling within the relationship and you can really do way more than I think you can even believe right now is possible by doing this.

Speaker 1:

So, really excited for you, really excited about this topic in particular, as you can tell, I want you guys all to have a great week. Everybody, I will see you back here on the Marriage Essentials Podcast next week. Bye-bye, you have been listening to the Marriage Essentials Podcast. I hope that you found some valuable insights and inspiration to apply to your relationship. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at marriage underscore essentials for more content like this. Until next time, keep nurturing your love and remember that a happy marriage really is a journey, it's not a destination. Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.